Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
