Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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