I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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