he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
