I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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