Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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