I want to stick my p in your. b.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
