I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
