hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
