As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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