Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
