i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
