This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The beers last night were like the tears from god
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
