I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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