the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
