I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
