My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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