She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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