Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
