Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
