Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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