I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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