remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
