dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
