I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
