She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
