This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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