Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
