After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
MIDGETS
????
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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