just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He felt like a one man threesome
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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