Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
