I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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