eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
