I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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