Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
