break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
