I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
