Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
