She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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