He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
