Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
