I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
