yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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