i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
