I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she peed on how many people?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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