Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
