My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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