He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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