My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
