That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
