So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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