Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
