Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she peed on how many people?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
