I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
