its not stalking. its research.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
