dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
