What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
