We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
