i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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