I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
