If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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