Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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