i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
