I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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