arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
