Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
