I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize