I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
