Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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