My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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